So, yes, I am angry. With myself, with people, with examiners, with my upbringing, with my syllabus, and definitely the entire world.
You see, it all started long back when I realized I could actually complete all my studies on the last night and yet do comfortably well. And there was no one to stop me. Which leads to the fact that I have 3 days to complete what people have not been able to complete in three months. Fair enough, you say, you do not complete, they do not complete, does time really make a difference in the long run when all supply curves become vertical anyway? But it does.
Guilt is tough. It gnaws and erodes and twinges at the most uncomfortable times. Brooding over decisions, wondering whether something could have been left unsaid, its extremely tough dealing with it when all you want to do is concentrate on curves and lines and why they intersect and then trying not to laugh because it all sounds like a very perverted joke. Its harder when crying friends call up wailing about the chapter they have been trying to mug for weeks and you realize you plan to do it during your journey to the exam center. You feel like a cad, a wimp, and then you wonder what you are actually guilty about.
Education is hard. Making your own decisions regarding it is harder. Knowing you are making the wrong decisions now and that you will never change is the worst of them all. Acknowledging your laziness, your unconcern, your selfishness and then dealing it with all and trying to make up for months of studies...oh yes, the lot of a student should not happen to a dog.
Its windy. It has been raining. Or perhaps will rain. I will be able to see the sky tomorrow maybe. Feel fresh air. God bless lining up at college to pick up admit cards. There will be grey skies, puddles, rolled up jeans, soaked floaters, meeting people whose faces you have forgotten, having professors tell you they hope you are better prepared this time, autodrivers inform you that I better employ my Economics education when I question why there is a rise in fares. I wonder if the Auto drivers will remember me. They usually know my stop, the time of arrival and often save me a seat. I love them all. Only people I have ever spoken to who do not know my name and yet freely curse the world in front of me and then ask for my opinion regarding their opinion. In fact, even people who do know my name never do it.
The funniest thing this week was reading a book by Mankiw. He is an economist. He is alive. He is hot. And his book is one of the most awesome literature on macroeconomics ever (ok, its mainly because he does not employ phrases like nominalised normalisation of weighted sum of aggregate something something). He pokes fun at himself, his job, his subject, everything he stands for. And you realize everyone knows what they are doing is a big joke and so completely unimportant, you can make fun of it. Even if it is yourself. He also reads children's literature and recommends The Devil Wears Prada. I think I just found my mentor.
(If you are interested, he blogs.)
Sony Pix is amazing. They make a decision to show my favourite movies daily and stick to it with a determination only seen in golden retrievers. If you are wondering why its glad news because I ought not to be watching them now of all times, fellow blogger WIAN advises people to watch a movie daily if you have examinations. Yes, performance in examinations will be more abysmal than usual, but you will be a lot more cheerful. Especially on watching stuff like Robin Hood : Men in Tights. I happily recommend it to everyone.
On conclusion, my mum has been threatening to invite everyone of my friends over and show them how messy I am. I am one step ahead. So dear blogworld, this is what my table looks like. Incidentally I have shifted to the dining room. Things kept falling off my bed and then I started falling off the bed and then the bedroom floor got overcrowded and so I had to take over another room.
Its fun being a student.
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