The Month That Was

>> Thursday, December 27, 2007

As the year ends, I realize I have absolutely nothing to post about. There are no more ideas, no more thoughts, and sadly, no more useless rendezvous in front of the computer. I have suddenly started living usefully. All those hours I would spend in front of my blog, blankly hoping a comment would arrive just by sheer force of will power, have now been replaced by hours I give very serious thoughts to what to wear to this year's new year party. Clothes are now sadly occupying a major part of my brain functioning, thus leading to unfounded comments about my sudden embracing of my femininity. Thus, my year end post is mostly going to be about conversations regarding this and other feminine topics. I assume it would be vastly uninteresting to the male segment of my readership and hence, to entice a bigger audience, this post is being rated as adults only, due to allusions to topics the censor boards happily imagines 17 year olds do not know anything about.

Conversation 1
(Bonky and I, while on one of our expeditions)
P: So, I have been thinking, all these guys I know, they look at me in a very..umm.... asexual manner. What could be the reason? My demeanor?
B: Dude, you realize you just said 'I entreat..' to a guy while trying to juggle two handkerchiefs. While each by themselves are not very appealing, both of them together are fatal for your romantic chances. What you need to do is be more feminine. No more coming to college with unbrushed hair.
P: Feminine huh? So how do you go about this feminine..uh..thingy?

(A few minutes later, the time interim having been spent on saving a centipede from a professor's footsteps)
B: Since we did save it, should we adopt it? It is one of our responsibilities now. You know, once you save someone, you are doomed to protect it for ever?
P: Oooh yes, and you could be its mother. I am obviously the godmother since I am too creeped out to touch it. We could call it Pintoo.
B: Huh? I was thinking of Albuquerque. Why Pintoo?
P: Association of ideas.

(after 5 minutes spent in profound thought)
P: Say, a centipede bites a man, and the man becomes centipedeman, what colour would his costume be?
B: Hey, it could bite us too, so why not centipedewoman?
P: Dude, you really want a hundred legs?
B: We could have retractable legs. Though I wonder what use they would be. Does not look as if a hundred legs make him any faster than two.
P: Uhh...their extreme hairiness which protects us from bullets?
B: (after pondering long and hard) You are right, there can never be a centipedewoman.
P: So, chrome and platinum should be ideal, what?
B: Yup, chrome outfit with platinum legs.
P: That should do it.

Conversation 2
(Berry and I in an auto)
P: So, this femininity thing..I got this new jacket, you know, and it does make me feel very girly, not the usual tomboyish self. I have been thinking, is femininity about what you feel rather than what you look? Coz, I guess I look the same, but you know, the feeling thing is there and are you even listening?
B: You? Feminine??
P: Uh..
*pregnant pause*
B: Can I borrow it?

Conversation 3
(Gupi, Sakes and I, meeting up after two years. The first line spoken goes down in history of first lines spoken between friends after 2 years)

G: Hi, yeah, I need you guys to help me rob a teacher of a law book.
P: Get in the room, if he is there borrow it, if he is not, steal it.
S: But why?
P: Eh? How does that matter?
S: I am sorry. What was I thinking?

(Gap of fifteen minutes)
G: Of course, Sakes can not have non vegetarian.
S: Yes, never had it before. Never will.
P: Er.. you have. Once at school. From my lunch box. Class 7.
S: I was a kid then. I will not be losing my religion over that surely.
P: Ahh, but you see, religion is like virginity. Once its gone, its gone.
S: *blushes*
G: Still the kid, are not you?
P: Say, suppose we end up as single mothers?
G: (dumbfounded) If that happens, one has to be really unlucky. What with all the technology and stuff...
P: Do you deny the possibility completely then?
G: Hmm..OK, what if we do end up as single mothers? How is that fun?
P: But don't you see it? We would have full freedom with its upbringing. He could grow up to be a Kalahari desert tribesman. Or the King of Cannibal Islands!!
G: And eat you?
P: Course we tell him relatives are not food. But it could eat all the people we do not like. We won't even need to worry about disposing the body.
G: Oh no. I am not murdering anyone. I stick only to robbery.
P:Hmm..we could be like Iago, you know. We instigate others to murder and just use the body to feed the kid.
G: You realize we just created a foolproof plan to feed a cannibal child we are supposed to be giving birth to?
P: I know! We rock!

This post, though seemingly senseless and pointless, is meant as a tribute to one of the happiest years of my life. To all the friends and to all the laughter. And Economics. I guess. Someday, you will be my future. I guess its about time I started liking you. You are my New Year's resolution.
And my blog readers.
Thank you.
I will probably be out of ideas till next year.
So here is wishing you a mad and silly New Year.

18 scaly flippers:

~Moo-lah Buz!nezzz~ 11:14 am, December 28, 2007  

Ahh the cosmo years about thinking what to wear on a new year.
And happy new year to you too...:)

speedpost 10:38 pm, December 28, 2007  

aah only if blogs had winks or emoticons.
now i want a cannibal kid of my own. suppose it eats u by mistake can i have it please?

and the femininity. I think its an Ashok Hall thing. not being feminine that is.

smart primate 12:08 am, December 29, 2007  

Did Gupi get the book finally?
Nice thought to bring up a cannibal....might help reduce the population of this country.

and HAPPY NEW YEAR to you

the girl with a zillion namesakes 5:02 pm, December 29, 2007  
This comment has been removed by the author.
the girl with a zillion namesakes 5:06 pm, December 29, 2007  

my friends also made me lose my vegetarianity

and cannibal kid native of kalahari desert =))

happy new year

and when in doubt wear black

The Ancient Mariner 6:49 am, December 30, 2007  

sorry for being late in giving my comments. while drinking a 19 years old whiskey suddenly i don know why it reminded me of you and your blog and here i am. i was dying to hear the story of pintoo: the life of a centepede! could you pleaes please write about him? doesn't he has this unique alien like horns and thorns all over it? doesn;t it know to make cocoon?? who taught him to do that? did it after coming out of its cocoon become a moth or a butterfly? now the most important part, was it beautiful before becoming a butterfly or it was beautiful nevertheless? life is wonderful. so are centepedes.

bye from a person who has never been bitten by a centepede!

dreamy 12:15 pm, December 30, 2007  

"The first line spoken goes down in history of first lines spoken between friends after 2 years

G: Hi, yeah, I need you guys to help me rob a teacher of a law book."

=)) =)) =))


Happy new year! :D

Poojo C. 4:15 pm, December 30, 2007  

My sister and I adopted a worm wanting to be a caterpillar once. Called him Cappy. Sigh.. it was nice while he lived.. on leaves and tomato slices.

You and Bonky seem to spend some very exciting and profound times together. I need to find some new, profound friends who will discuss subjects like cannibal kids and centipedewomen. [looks about enviously]

ArSENik 1:36 am, December 31, 2007  

Great! Just what the world needs - one more feminine pink dahling and one less tomboyish influence on already pink dahlings. *rolls eyes. I am sure the new you would love a hundred legs, because that would mean 98 more stylish shoes.

Here's wishing you more beautiful madness and more randomness in your writing in the coming year.

Macadamia The Nut 9:35 pm, December 31, 2007  

Lol! A very unique resolution

Hey there! It's me again. :D
Hope you have an incredible, funtastic, year ahead with everything your heart desires!

Disclaimer: Alcohol, drugs and botox are not included in the wish list. Hehe!

WHAT'S IN A NAME ? 1:47 pm, January 01, 2008  

To be a single mother to a cannibal child.
- Supreme!!!!!


Happy New YEar-2008!

I am sure your fountain of ideas will not run dry in the coming millennium. About the feminine-thinking thing, I have got just one line for you.

" Dump it!"


zahid 12:56 am, January 02, 2008  

that was a mad mad yet great great post to end up a new year !!!
Hey you have built up fiction centipede womans but forgot the centipede out to be radioactive .... surely wishing you a really mad new yeear too !!!!

ru 6:27 pm, January 02, 2008  

"Ahh, but you see, religion is like virginity. Once its gone, its gone."

such profundity :D. totally delightful read. have ahappy new year.

Abhishek... inside out 7:02 pm, January 02, 2008  

I don't know about feminism, but I had a course which talked about eco-feminism. It says that the environment and women are equal. Although my professor never confirmed my doubt about cutting women for timber. All those in favour say 'Awkthhooo'

Sam 4:59 pm, January 03, 2008  

u really had me in splits with taht conversation!! wud u blv even guys have weird conversation??

Bubbles of FireWhisky 10:08 am, January 04, 2008  

the convo had be laughing hard... god i miss my frends... we cme up with loads f wierdly silly stuff as well...

happy new year

Angry Voices 1:59 am, January 06, 2008  

"Can I borrow the jacket"

I need a thinking jacket. Your cap is oozing brilliance.

*laughs a bit more*

ad libber 5:51 pm, January 06, 2008  

now you realize the depth of my thoughts

It wont eat me, I will teach it not to consume parents.
But if you really want it, I can leave it in my will. No one else will want it anyway.

@smart primate
No, we went and had three icecreams each and forgot about our thieving instincts.

I did :D
now thinking turning up in your gym tracks was not a very good idea

@ the ancient mariner
exactly how much of that whiskey had you consumed before writing this?


@poojo c.
We dont always discuss stuff like that, this only happens when thEre are no cute guys about. Staring at cute guys is way we spend time together as friends.

All I could read in your comment was 98 shoes
But never fear, the world does not have me as a feminine pink dahling yet. But it was close.

@macadamia the nut
Oh, you ruled out everyone of my wishes.

dumped :D

we were hoping since centipedes have toxic bites, the poison in our system would mix up with our genes and get the DNA mix up done.

@ ru
you too :)

they are? how? could i have a blog post regarding it?

me? i believe anything.


@angry voices

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