>> Monday, March 30, 2009

An updated list of the keywords which are directing clueless Google scavengers to this blog :

  • Women who fall in love with murderers (All I ask is, who was looking for this? Is he a murderer? Has he earmarked me for future seduction? What are the chances he is also a millionaire?)
  • bengali arrogant intellectual (heh)
  • lonely bored empty (oh)
  • i have you breathing down my neck breathing down my neck (ew)
  • witching for fish (I do like the phrase very much)
  • commercial fish remains garbage disposal (Not so much)

And I do wish people would stop looking for ritika porn here. It is not very flattering (Though I do realize typing that term here just means a fresh surge of blog voyeurs).

An update: For those of you who will be giving examinations soon, do remember, one blog post a day, keeps the desire to kill self away.



>> Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Sometime late yesterday evening, with friends wondering why the world is such a dismal place on my right and a haunted apartment to my left. For some moments, the world is a beautiful place.

Sometime early next morning, back home, with no ghosts or friends around, notebooks marking my area, furious journal entries with certain scribbled words actually decipherable. Most of the words seem to be 'stupid', 'economics' and 'damn it all, I am getting married'.

This is why.


The Mindless Musings of the Single, Bored 21 Year Old

>> Sunday, March 15, 2009

I have spent the last four hours sprawled on a very battered bean bag chair, eating curd, and reading books single women write about their cats. It is, yes, one of the major avoidance activities when you are supposed to be studying for University examinations, ranked just below glaring at happy couples walking hand in hand and writing existentialist poetry. Hunting for haunted houses and making crowns out of festoons closely follow.

Cats are to a single woman what cigarettes are to an engineer. My father spent most of his youth smoking away his wonderment at all things mechanical and greasy. I, completely failing to inherit any of his genes, remain completely impervious to letting a cat run my life. If I ever do come across one, I hardly get the chance to exchange civilities before both of us are fleeing in opposite directions.

When I am a single 30 year old (note the assurance, I have taken it quite for granted I am incapable of ever being in a relationship. I am cold hearted, selfish and obsessive), I shall not keep cats. Nor hamsters. Definitely no dogs. I shall just let lizards overrun my apartment, where they may mate and eat flies to their heart's content. I shall then have lots of babies, and the babies, the lizards and I will have a happy life, watch lots of musicals, sing A Fine Romance, eat oranges and curds and read books about cats written by single women.

A cleaning fixation is one of the side effects of studying attempts. I have, till now, cleaned my desk and organized my notes by chapter, subject, exam paper number and probability of occurrence in examinations. This was followed by cleaning out all my bags. This was a very interesting venture since I have owned around nine bags since I joined college and they all have been used exhaustively. The things I found while cleaning them have been listed below, categorized according to appearance:

  • A packet of peanuts (which is very strange since I do not like peanuts)
  • Rs.124 in loose change
  • a pair of grey socks (which I do not remember owning)
  • a purple bandana
  • broken lenses from the last pair of spectacles owned
  • a heel
  • cotton
  • a matchbox
  • 3 black crunchies
  • a love letter
  • 2 pens (one green, one black)
  • nail polish remover
  • a key chain shaped like a fish which says "Ship ahoy!"
I however find myself in a position to actually explain some of these findings. The bandana was a part of an impulsive purchase when I decided to protect the hair from all sorts of harmful elements. The heel was a part of a shoe. I had kept the heel when throwing away the shoes since I had loved them very much. The cotton, the matchstick and the nail polish remover were all a part of a bet where I had bet a friend that nail polish removers were inflammable.

The love letter was a part of another bet. I heard a friend of mine bemoaning the fact that girls could not write proper love letters and I swore I would write one and prove him wrong. Here is what that piece of paper read,


I love you so much, I shall even watch cricket matches for you. I do not only love you, I like you very much. There is a huge difference between them, and if you do not appreciate it, you are a doofus and I can not see why I am dating you.

Sweetheart, there is no reason or sense left in my life since I have met you. I have stopped gazing adoringly at shoes, weep a lot while watching Meg Ryan movies and write poetry. Here is a sample.

You know what, never mind. I want you to love me back and not run away in horror.

Will you still love me if I wrote poetry?

This is where the letter ends. My otherwise substantial imagination peters off when it comes to romance and things akin to it. I also lost the bet.

Then came the great CD organizing fiesta whereupon I found certain lost bands I had acquired a taste for as a teenager. The big find was the Linkin Park: Live in Texas concert video. As I was watching it, I realized there was nothing more cooler in this whole wide world than being a rock star. Yes, I was transported back to my seventeen year old self.

When you are 21, lonely, bored and must go back to studies, there is not much else you can do with your life. Hence, you play all the Linkin park songs you have and pretend you are a member of the band and lip sync.

Pretending to be a band member in a concert has certain pre-requisites. They are mentioned below (I am obsessed about lists) :

  • The clothing. The wardrobe of a geekish woman contains nothing a 30 something rock star would wear. So you end up wearing a pink shirt which says 'Bite Me! Bite Me! Bite Me!' you bought during a hormonal surge. I hope Mike Shinoda never comes across this blog.
  • The mike. Since you have cleaned the cupboard two days back, there are no empty bottles of perfume. So you check in your sister's room and find a green bottle. It says Fa: Caribbean lemon. That is the mike. A green mike. When life gives you lemons, it does indeed give lemons.
  • The band member: You want to be either Mike Shinoda or Chester. But you are not sure which one you want to be more. Rapping is the best option, speaking fast is your forte, but Chester is the one who gets to scream a lot.

To be frank, I have not really come to a decision about the last point.

In fact, the whole thing can be summed up in one line, a line which closed one of the saddest conversations I have ever participated in or made up during Avoidance Activities.

"I just wish Bonky, that someone loved me, and loved me as much as I love my hair."


Witching Hour Wishes

>> Thursday, March 12, 2009

Wishes are beginning to come true. After all the hoping and praying and wishing, I have finally turned purple all over. It is correct to surmise that I look far more uglier than I am prone to, but I am purple, hence, life is good.

Happy Holi everyone.


>> Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I have been tagged, and by tagged, I mean properly tagged and not a tag stolen from someone else's blog. Though originally tagged in Facebook, I prefer limiting tags to blogs, where no one really knows me and therefore, would not bring it up against me next time we meet. The tagger, Vanilla Sky, defines this tag as

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.

  1. If I stare at a person long enough, listen to their conversation and not say a word, the person eventually ends up betraying all their innermost secrets to me. I attribute this to an unwavering stare. Blackmail, therefore, is a very effective career option.
  2. I adore shoes. I buy them in hordes. But the only shoe I ever wear is a very worn out pair of 'Ketoes'.
  3. I get very excited at the sight of policemen, police jeeps, police stations or vans carrying criminals. I do not know why. My mum thinks that is the reason I happily lose my identity cards.
  4. I am possibly the only person on earth who has sprained a foot while dancing to 'Safety Dance'.
  5. My favourite sort of movies are musicals, specially the type where things are bound to end happily and the songs are popular ditties. Sweeney Todd does not fall under this category. Nor does High School Musical.
  6. The only time I have had a crush on a real person (defined as people you actually know and who know you back and you have conversations and hang out in general) was when I lost a classmate's pen and he laughed when I tried to apologize for it. By the end of three years, I had begun to dislike him intently for trying to steal my thunder.
  7. I have elaborate dream sequences, most of which would make very gripping thrillers. The last one was a murder of a newly wed man and Bobby Deol happened to be the detective in charge. He goes and asks the bride if she had had something silvery grasped in her palms at the time of death and whether the victim was humming to himself at that moment. The bride opens her palms to see a silver foil attached to it. It was clearly the defining moment. Then the alarm bell rang. I hate my alarm very, very much.
  8. I am a terribly messy person. The sort of person who would not clean her bed and would rather sleep on the mess, and, if the mess happens to be uncomfortable, on the floor. But I am obsessed about clean sinks. I often spend my time in dinner parties cleaning the sink.
  9. I never understand the business section of the paper. I blame it on the Economics degree. Everything works completely against all the laws proposed.
  10. I have a maroon top. If I wear it and it rains, the umbrella turns inside out and I get soaked. It is uncanny.
  11. The first actor I ever fell in love with was Rupert Grint. The fact that Ronald Weasley and I shared birthdays just proved the fact that we were soulmates.
  12. My favourite word is 'preposterous'. As a nineteen year old, one of my deepest wishes was to become a princess, and say preposterous all the time while randomly ordering people to be beheaded, not unlike the Queen of Hearts.
  13. I think Anne Hathaway has the most beautiful smile ever.
  14. The Air India Maharajah scares me.
  15. The more I see of Dustin Hoffman, the more I like him. I really wish to see him in Death of a Salesman, a very favourite play of mine.
  16. The English Patient is the only book/movie combo I like, rather, admire and love, despite the fact they both are very different.
  17. I wish to dress up as a witch someday, get dressed in floating, flowing, wispy clothes and cackle.
  18. The only people I bond very well with are twelve year old girls. They immediately like me and say I am the nicest person they have ever known. Not many people say that. The world needs more twelve year old girls to be a happier place.
  19. If I ever write a novel, I want it to be a tragedy. Everyone in it must die lonely, painful, lingering deaths. There will also be a family ghost, a woman with a haunted past and a retired acrobat. They will all die too. Except for the family ghost, since it is already dead.
  20. I have an Oscar acceptance speech prepared.
  21. I often wake up in the middle of the night due to sheer panic. Most of these are caused by the fact that I have forgotten whether Obama is republican or democrat, the meaning of allegory or whether I had cleaned the sink before sleeping. Whenever this happens, I end up sweeping.
  22. I want a hat. A floppy, large brimmed hat with grapes on it. I will distribute grapes from it to people I meet.
  23. I chew my hair when distressed. It is not very good for the hair.
  24. I love it when I find some of my favourite songs in movie soundtracks. Like Saif singing Heartbreak Hotel in Parineeta. Or More Than a Feeling being played in Madagascar 2.
  25. I believe the best entrance ever in a movie was made by Akshay Kumar in Tashan. Yes, I have watched Tashan. I watch everything. Except Ghajini.

I am still rather surprised by the fact that I have finished this. I tag everyone who has not done this but wants to.


>> Sunday, March 01, 2009

Despite everything, I did manage to turn 21.

Some things are so unfair.


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