Because my mind is plotless

>> Thursday, January 08, 2009

Dear person who stole my wallet,

I assume you are literate, considering you did commit the act in a library. Hence, in case you do come across this letter, please consider this as a plea directed to you.

Sir, I understand your choice of vocation, nay, I applaud it. Conmanship had been my preferred career as a sixteen year old. In fact, it is one of the reasons I am studying economics. Nobody understands money more than economists and thieves. Since I can not be the latter (not due to a misplaced sense of honour, only because my mum would have disapproved), I have banked for the former. Let me add that I do not understand anything about money. Apparently, only practical experience is of any use in this field.

To c0me back to my original point, I admire your ways. The skill with which you extricated the wallet deserves a good wallet. I hope the wallet gave you many joys, indeed more than it ever gave me. To tell you the truth, I was never really fond of the wallet, but my library card would not fit anywhere else. Thankfully, you have now proved an easier solution. With no library card to worry about, I may now carry absolutely any wallet I may please. I now carry a rather attractive, striped wallet which does not look as if belonged to my father once. Please do not consider it as an invitation to help yourself to it, though. I like this wallet very much and, indeed, should be heartbroken if it disappeared.

Esteemed sir, you are welcome to all the money in it. Most of it was for my tuition teachers, and frankly, as one almost conman to another, they are not worth it. They are all a bunch of self satisfied, self consumed, economics loving people and have never managed to teach me more than how to be rude to people and develop a fine sense of sarcasm. I do not begrudge you the money. In fact, I would like you to spend it on something frivolous and luxurious. That sort of thing will cause a rise in demand, and everyone knows the necessity of a rise in demand in these days. Perhaps something like shoes. It pleases me to think of you prancing around in uncomfortable, fancy shoes financed by money originally meant for a couple of moustached people. I do hope you do not have a moustache. They will not go with the fancy shoes.

However, the point of this letter is, could you please be a nice person and return my identity card to me. You see, that identity card is one of my strongest bonds with my college, the days of which are numbered now. I am a final year student and I shall never get another identity card in time. Mine is a government college and what with all the rules, regulations and the rampant laziness, a new identity card usually takes around four months to appear. Not to mention all the hassle I will have to face with the police while going about getting an FIR. Like any law aiding citizen, I like to keep away from anything which might prompt incessant bribing, impromptu weepings and undignified wheedling. You understand that, you can not be very fond of the police yourself.

If you could do this much, you could be assured of good karma flowing towards you. That and good wishes from my side. My phone number, address and bloodgroup are mentioned on the card. I believe the information is sufficient for you to mail the card back to me.

With high hopes and best wishes,

Yours truly,

The girl in purple clothes you stole the wallet from .

17 scaly flippers:

The Ancient Mariner 12:05 am, January 09, 2009  

the girl in purple clothes!! gee ritu, u wear such colors!! yuck!!

by the way, i really do hope, that conman was another ex economist and blogger who secretly reads ur blogs...who knows next day in the same bus, u might get putpocketed, u get down put ur hands in ur pocket,,,,and voila...there is ur wallet back!!

Devdeep 12:05 am, January 09, 2009  

Firstly...see necessity brought u back to blogging...Cant escape this hobby can u?
Secondly... congrats... u dont hve ur library card, 'coz that implies no books on economics..
Thirdly.. u hve lost ur identity.. which means u cannot sit or worry 4 xams (it happens so in my collg).. So should i say yay??
Neways.. an intriguing post... Keep it up!!!

Doubletake, Doublethink. 10:37 am, January 09, 2009  

hahahahhaha. ever since i started reading it i don't know how long ago, your blog has kept delighting me. constantly.


Amazing Greys 12:22 pm, January 09, 2009  

hahaha... you get first prize in congeniality. :)

What's In A Name ? 2:41 pm, January 09, 2009  

and last prize for color-consciousness .

( purple clothes!!!! horror!!!)

Prince of Mirkwood 6:29 pm, January 09, 2009  

Hahaha! Funny blog you have here. I think I'm a fan!

vanilla sky 6:44 pm, January 09, 2009  

What is it with people these days? Recession is this bad? Wallets get stolen from library, my cousin's laptop got stolen while attending a seminar .
A friend of mine whose wallet got stolen in her college fervently prayed that the person may at least throw away her id cards to save her from trouble. But no.

But why are people hating purple :o

Anonymous 12:40 am, January 10, 2009  

now thats a good post....ok nothing good in ur wallet being stolen n didnt u loose ur id card once before?

inihos 5:16 pm, January 10, 2009  

um, two questions-

have you refused to pay your tutor on the grounds that you have lost it?

are you expecting the thief to read this post?

@what'sinaname: purple is in fashion internationally

~Moo-lah Buz!nezzz~ 3:00 am, January 11, 2009  

u lost ur wallet....haha *laughs sadistically* :P :P :P

Abhishek 4:21 pm, January 11, 2009  

no wonder he made you suffer, purple-clad girl!

dreamy 12:19 pm, January 12, 2009  

SUCH a long post after SUCH a long time!...yayness! >:D<

the girl with a zillion namesakes 10:29 pm, January 13, 2009  

There is no black or white there is but The Colour Purple...i am talking a lot of shit nowdays.

Noisy Autist 11:21 am, January 16, 2009  

hehe... only you can write such a hilarious post about an incident like that.

Devdeep 8:28 pm, January 16, 2009  

Hey!!! I am waiting for your next post... Unless and until u post a new one we wont start thinking abt our next post...

What's In A Name ? 12:39 am, January 18, 2009  

@ solo - Sorry Ma'am but I am tolerably fashion-blind. :)

Hallucinations of a teardrop...sreemanti 10:43 pm, January 23, 2009  

hillarious ! hail the spirit of conmanship !

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